I sat on the roof of our secluded vacation house, surrounded by rolling hills and farm plots. We had just put the kids down and I came upstairs to just take a deep breath and smell the fresh air.
I sat down, deciding to just take a few more minutes, because it felt so great. I was 10 minutes deep in meditation when Brian came up to check on me. It was in that moment, when my natural response was frustration for being interrupted that I realized something massive.
I haven't been alone in 6 months. I haven't sat without the threat of someone interrupting me for half a year. There has always been a "rush" to my stolen moments. There has always been the nagging thought in the back of my mind that I had better soak it up, and soak it up fast, because it will not last.
And the most frustrating part of all of it? That it's my fault. I've martyred my way into this circumstance, and likely, you have too.
If you aren't communicating that you need a break...
If you are stopping the things that matter to YOU to handle the things that matter to someone else...
If you find yourself playing the victim because there is so much to do and you're the only one that does it...
YOU might need to take a step back and create better boundaries for yourself and your needs.
YEP, YOU. Because it's not your spouse's job to give it to you. It's not your kids job to just "understand" that mommy needs time to herself. It's YOUR job to say what you want, and to go out and make it happen.
Corona messed up so much for us. I get it. It has been so hard. It has been so overwhelming. But Corona is not in charge of you. YOU are in charge of you.
What boundaries do you need to readjust right now? Sending you my love as you REMEMBER WHO IS IN CHARGE HERE. <3