I was having a conversation with a dear friend the other day about how things haven't exactly turned out the way she painted the picture in her head - and seriously, WHO DOESN'T FEEL THIS WAY?
Who doesn't stop and look back and think "This is not what I had in mind, exactly..." about some portion of their life. Did I think I'd be raising 2 children and running 2 businesses all at once? NO.
When I thought I'd just run my business and stay home with my kids, did I picture my house being a FREAKING DISASTER while all of us just moved around the mess? NO. I pictured us doing super fun things like making pancakes shaped like bunnies in a perfectly clean kitchen. I don't know if you know this or not, but I AM NOT IN THE BUSINESS OF MAKING MORE DIRTY DISHES. Even if it is just a damn bunny cutter. Eff that bunny cutter. I am not washing ONE MORE THING. You get a circle pancake and it's frozen and heated in the microwave because your brother just blew his pants out and I cannot. I just cannot.
Did I imagine that we'd have structured learning time together for 45 minutes every morning where we use cut in half apples as stamps and my children only used the stamps on the paper and nothing else? Yes. Yes I did think that. Do any of those things happen? SHIT NO. The one day I DO decide I am going to get my tits up and do a craft is the day my child covers her body in sharpie marker when I have my back turned to ready the craft. There are no "units." There are songs, and puzzles and books and ERRANDS LORD GOD THERE ARE ERRANDS, and there is my sisterwife the television. My right hand girl. Love you, boo.
My point is this - did I have a vision for what working from home would look like? YES - it was the best of both worlds. I was there for the fun but also had mental challenges and something for me. I DO HAVE THOSE THINGS, I just also have a lot of other very messy dirty things and a van that forever smells like hot pee.
So when my girlfriend, who is trying so desperately to have a baby mentioned to me that "what was meant for her has never passed her by," I had to smile. Damn it, when your wise friends show up to DRILL IT HOME. It may not look the way I thought it would look, but I am DOWN with life right now. I am HERE FOR IT. Seriously though I could live without the hot pee smell but otherwise, I'll take the sharpie-covered-kid-with-the-freedom-to-wear-pajamas-all-day-and-watch-santa-movies-in-october-if-we-want-to kind of freedom.
When you are impatient about the next phase of your life, when you are desperately waiting for the future to arrive - know that what was meant for you has never passed you. It may not come in the package you expected, but if it's meant for you, it'll come to you, wrapped in a hot piss filled van like a bat out of hell. Know this, and embrace the ride. (But put the windows down because your toddler still thinks the van is a rolling potty.)
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I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!